Trauma is defined as a deeply distressing or overwhelming experience that is commonly followed by emotional and physical shock. If left unresolved or untreated, traumatic experiences can lead to short and long-term challenges.
Examples of traumatic events include:
- sudden death of a loved one
- physical or sexual assault
- witnessing violence
- natural disasters
- car accidents
- military combat
In contrast, betrayal trauma occurs when someone we depend on for survival, or are significantly attached to, violates our trust in a critical way.
Examples of betrayal trauma include:
- contracting an STD from a supposedly faithful partner
- discovering evidence of a spouse’s sex addiction
- sexual or physical abuse by a parent
- financial deceitfulness in marriage
Although betrayal trauma shares many of the same psychological, physiological and neurological symptoms associated with fear-based traumas, it is distinct in two important ways:
The perpetrator is in close relationship with the victim:
Perpetrators of betrayal traumas are in close relationship with the victim, and therefore the violation of trust is experienced as a deeply personalized (versus random) offense.
Due to the personalized nature of the betrayal, betrayal trauma can be more destabilizing to one’s social schema than a strictly fear-based trauma. Research has also shown betrayal trauma to be associated with more physical illness, anxiety, dissociation and depression than traumas low in betrayal.[1]
For example, a serious car accident may be intensely frightening or even life-threatening, but it would be unusual for a car accident to cause someone to question the legitimacy of a primary relationship. Betrayal trauma, on the other hand, jeopardizes the safety of the very relationship one would normally turn to for comfort when distressed, thereby causing extraordinary vulnerability at a time of great need.
[1] Jennifer J. Freyd, Bridget Klest & Carolyn B. Allard (2005) Betrayal Trauma: Relationship to Physical Health, Psychological Distress, and a Written Disclosure Intervention, Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 6:3, 83-104, DOI: 10.1300/J229v06n03_04
High risk of reoccurrence:
Due to the close and interconnected relationship between the perpetrator and the victim, it can be can be difficult to confront or sever ties with the perpetrator. As a result, victims may feel trapped and remain in the relationship out of necessity, thereby making the risk of future reoccurrence of betrayal trauma higher than with random or accidental traumas.
A person who is physically assaulted by a stranger, for instance, is unlikely to encounter the same aggressor a second time. A betrayed spouse, on the other hand, typically shares a life, home, children, extended family, and finances with the perpetrator. These life ties make extrication infinitely more complex and prolonged — even if the victim chooses to divorce the perpetrator.
Symptoms of Betrayal Trauma
- Anxiety
- Hypervigilance
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Withdrawal & isolation
- Difficulty concentrating
- Difficulty regulating intense emotions
- Avoidance
- Flashbacks
- Negative thoughts
- Numbness & detachment
- Sleep & appetite disturbances
- Somatic symptoms (e.g., headaches, tremors)
Betrayal trauma is a deeply shattering experience. Many symptoms arise immediately after a betrayal trauma, while other symptoms have a delayed onset. For example, depression, grief reactions, skepticism, shame, and engagement in high-risk behavior are common delayed reactions to betrayal trauma. Delayed reactions may start months, and sometimes years, after the initial discovery of a betrayal.
A growing number of resources, supports and treatments are available to assist individuals in finding emotional and physical resolution of trauma-related symptoms and to facilitate post-traumatic growth.
To check out healing resources Dr. Jill Manning has created specifically for betrayed individuals, please visit Digital Downloads. These resources are intended to complement self-care efforts, individual therapy, Twelve-Step work, and/or trauma treatment associated with betrayal trauma healing.
Healing from betrayal trauma is possible.